Leadership Is Lived, Not Read

I once worked for a short time with a guy who after a decade plus in the org was promoted to lead it. The very first thing he did in his new role was announce that his leadership model came from a book he swore was his bible. He waved that book around, told us all to read it, and insisted this was the way forward.

Here’s the problem: no one believed him. Some doubted he even read the book before being promoted. Nonetheless, we all attempted to get through it. Few, if any, actually did. One listened to it on Audible. Or tried to. The book, and his attempt to convince us of his “strong leadership” became a running joke in the hallways.

Maybe he really did believe in the ideas conveyed in this book. But his actions told a different story. He sat behind closed doors. He rarely interacted with his team. He insisted all communication flow to him via email. And in doing so, he lost us.

Leadership Is Lived, Not Read

Because if there’s one thing we all knew: authentic leadership doesn’t live in a book.

Leadership isn’t a framework you quote or a catchy phrase you pin to the wall. Remember those old Successories posters? Cue the “There’s no I in Team” reminder. Real leadership is lived in real time—in relationships, conversations, and the way you show up for your people. It’s not about having the perfect model. It’s about being authentic, accessible, and willing to roll up your sleeves alongside your team.

The Cost of Disengaged Leadership

The numbers back it up. Gallup found that when employees strongly trust their leaders, 1 in 2 are engaged. But when trust is weak, engagement plummets to just 1 in 12. Companies with visible, approachable CEOs have even been shown to grow their share prices exceedingly faster than those led by hidden leaders.

A leader who hides behind closed doors doesn’t create trust. A leader who avoids genuine interaction doesn’t spark innovation. A leader who substitutes buzzwords for behavior doesn’t inspire anyone to follow.

Lessons Learned the Hard Way

Years ago, as a new leader myself, I didn’t quite get that notion. Getting people to follow was something I thought I could demand. I once even went so far as to pound my fist on a table and tell a new employee pushing back on me to vote with her feet if she didn’t like what I was saying. Not a proud Monica moment, by any stretch.

The leaders who thrive today—and the companies that thrive with them—are the ones who embrace challenge. They encourage curiosity. They foster fearless conversations. They’re not afraid to be real, to listen, and to learn alongside their people. For so many years – decades in fact, that’s exactly the kind of leader I had the privilege of working for. He was tough but inclusive, approachable, authentic, vulnerable, empowering and real. (thank you R. Smith for your leadership!)

Because at the end of the day, leadership isn’t about the book you hold up.
It’s about the leader you show up as.

Research on employee engagement and leadership consistently shows that people describe their favorite bosses with words that convey trust, support, approachability, and authenticity.

Below are some descriptive words/phrases employees used when asked about favorite bosses. Challenge yourself. How many of these words do you think would be used to describe the leader you are?

• Approachable
• Authentic
• Honest
• Transparent
• Empathetic
• Fair
• Respectful
• Humble
• Supportive
• Empowering
• Inspiring
• Encouraging
• Collaborative
• Accountable
• Visionary
• Grounded
• Consistent
• Listens actively
• Open-minded
• Clear
• Present
• Trusting
• Appreciative
• Engages in real conversations
• Motivating
• Challenging in a good way
• Makes work meaningful
• Invested in my growth
• Values input
• Builds confidence
• Recognizes contributions